If I Were You

	G                       D                       E-
If I were you I’d take the dishes from the shelf
      C                        G                 D                     G        D
Pulverize them by myself into a pile of broken shards
                 G	D                 E-             C
Then I’d pick up every piece and I’d call up the police
              G                    D                        G
And I’d park a pickup truck out in the yard
                      E-                                       C                          G
Then I would go up to the North I would be there by the fourth

G                                                                    D
Just in time to watch the rockets from the farm
                         G                    D                    E-                   C
Then I would sleep out in the hay with the pictures of the day
                G                       D                  G
Tattooed in a cartoon sequence on my arm.

If I were you
If I were you
                   C                                                           D
I wouldn’t listen to a single thing I’m telling you to do
          D                     C                   G                    D
My advice is always good but the fact is that I should
           G                          D                         G
Just shut up and let you do the things you do.

If I were you I’d pet the dog, take her for a morning jog
Talk to God, talk to nothing, talk to Me
If I were you I’d take my life send it to my former wife
With a stamp upon the package COD
For there is nothing sacrosanct but the money in the bank
And the money isn’t speakin’ like it should
If I were you I’d take what’s left report it as a theft
And make certain it is only used for good.


If I were you, I’d tell them all to go to hell 
Get some potion cast a spell get a doll and get some pins
Cause in the long run if you’re breathing and your temper isn’t seething
It is generally accepted that you win
I would wait ‘til after dark move into a trailer park
Change my name change my number change my hair
And then if the doorbell rings I would take my precious things
And climb out through out the bedroom window out of there.


If I were you I’d have a beer think it out and get it clear
Climb that mountain to the west, right to the top
When I get there I’d keep going never mind if it is snowing
Just keep moving to the west and never stop
Because mountains are for sport and life is way too short
If I were you I wouldn’t let them slow me down
And then 50 years from now you can ask exactly how 
It is possible that you are still around.


Written by Sara Hoxie in January 2009. Song appeared on Waterfall Boy.